Listen without an agenda

Have this ever happened to you: you're talking to someone, perhaps sharing a matter of deep concern, when you notice they have a far-off look in their eye. When you finish talking the person responds with an odd-sounding anecdote that doesn't make sense until you realize a slight connection with something you said very early in your remarks.

Or worse yet, have you ever been listening to someone when they say something that causes your mind to immediately think of an event in your life. Your brain starts racing, formulating your response, all the while nearly ignoring the rest of the other person's remarks.

Unfortunately, that happens in too many conversations. Sometimes the person being ignored immediately realizes it. While they're often too nice to speak out, they're hurt. The depth of the pain often corresponds to the strength of the bond they felt with the other person.

Even if the person doesn't immediately realize the slight, they leave the conversation with less than they deserve.

Overcoming the propensity to think about yourself during conversation takes practice, but it is a skill well worth the effort.

The key is to focus your attention on the other person. Realize that at that moment, what they're saying is most important.

One way to learn how to listen more attentively is to get in the habit of asking questions instead of offering advice or suggestions. You can't ask someone a question about what they just said unless you've listened to them.

Part of the training I've received as a certified coach with Valwood Christian Leadership Coaching is the importance of asking powerful questions. Powerful questions make the other person think. They are almost never yes or no questions.

These questions are usually best if their part of the context of the conversation, but some general examples are:

— What do you see as your purpose in life?

— What are your retirement plans?

— What do you see as your strongest talents?

— Where do you see yourself in five years?

— What options have you considered?

— What are the potential obstacles?

Perhaps the easiest way to learn how to listen to other people is to care about them. You must listen without an agenda. Set aside what you want and help them get what they want. Help them reach their dreams and you'll almost certainly be closer to yours.

Steve DeVane
Click here to learn more about my free MLM mentoring program.

Help yourself ... then help others

Have you ever thought about why you're in network marketing? What is it that most keeps you going toward your goal?

I've been giving that a lot of thought recently. I've been trying to strip away all the peripheral reasons to get to my core desires.

All this has forced me to ask myself a lot of question. Some of them were tough questions. Some were downright scary.

For example, I've thought about what I want to be said at my funeral. At first glance, that doesn't seem to be a pleasant thought. Why would I want to think about my death?

I think about it because it forces me toward a better perspective on the present. By thinking about then, I get a much clearer look at now.

Moreover, it crystallizes my view of myself. Truth is, we look at other people the way we look at ourselves. We view them through our own eyes, our own lens. If we don't trust others, we're presenting ourselves as less than trustworthy. We are measured by the standard we use to measure others.

Before a plane takes off, the stewardess always talks about safety issues. For those traveling with children, she says, be sure to put on your oxygen mask before helping you child put on theirs.

It works much the same way in our lives. We must help ourselves before we can help others. Once we know the path to success, we can show others the way.

That's why your "why" has to be about you, not about your friends, your family or anyone else.

Once you find that reason, nothing will stop you, because MLM is about you, not about products and companies.

Steve DeVane
This free e-book saved me from failure and frustration.

Living into the future

Recently I’ve been giving a lot of thought to my story. After a while, it occurred to me that I was thinking almost entirely about my past. I decided that it would be better to look instead at the future. I’ve thought about what my “future story” will be.

For me, it turned out that my future story is strongly influenced by my successes and failures in the past. My aim is to emphasize the strengths and downplay the weaknesses.

The way my future will unfold will impact my family, my home life and my career.

First, I want to be able to provide my family with the life they deserve. I have a wonderful wife and three great kids.

In the past, I have felt bad when we have had to put off or not do some things that my family wanted to do because we didn’t have the money or were too worried about money. I can now see the day when money issues will no longer be an issue.

The second related issue is our home life. I am proud to say we were recently able to move to a bigger house in a safer location. Now all three of my children have their own room. Our house is nicer, larger and newer than our former house.

While the location is more convenient to many of the places we go, it’s just a little closer to my place of work. I still drive nearly an hour a day each way.

I figured it up. In the 11 plus years I’ve worked at my current job, I’ve spent more than seven complete months — 24 hours a day, seven days a week — in my car driving back and forth to work.

If you figure it in business terms, I’ve spent 140 work weeks behind the wheel to go to and from the office.

With my home-based business, I work from home on my computer and the phone. I also get great training on my computer and my phone from this system.

The third area of my future will be related to my career. I’ve been a journalist for more than 20 years. Early in my career I really enjoyed the adrenaline rush of working on a “big story.” But, after a while I burned out on newspapers and the constant pressure of deadlines.

So I became a network marketer because I saw a way out of all the stress by working for myself and helping other people. I realized it was a way to take back my life, not just make a living.

Steve DeVane
This free e-book started me down the path to success.

Taking steps on the path to leadership

To achieve what you want in network marketing, you must be a leader. To be a leader, you must have followers.

For you to lead, somebody has to follow you. For someone to follow you, they must see you as a leader. Others have to picture you as the person who can lead them out of the morass they are in.

And why would anyone follow YOU, you ask? That's easy. They follow you because you believe in something. You are passionate. You are enthusiastic.

Since you are a passionate, enthusiastic believer, that puts you way ahead of everyone else. Do you believe that a passionate, enthusiastic belief can change a person's life? A lot of people see it that way, which means you can be an MLM wizard. You have personalized the first part of the "MLM Wizard Formula."

Does this sound like I'm talking about somebody else? You're probably thinking that you are on the other side of this deal, one of the masses looking for that leader. But here's the point. So long as people can see your rock-solid, core belief, it doesn't matter that you've never been looked at as a leader before. You will inspire people and they will follow you. And as distant as that idea of solid belief may seem right now, it's just a matter of some intensive coaching and some dedicated practice to actually reach it.

Even if you're a long way from flawless, you can help a lot of people turn their lives around. They are looking for the right model. You can become their network-marketing leader, but only if you learn to really drill down into your steel-hard core belief.

So the question is, how do you get there from here? You talk to people now, you look around you, and there just is no one who would follow you. And even if they would, you're not really sure where you would lead them.

Maybe you have some possibilities, but there's just no certainty that's strong enough to inspire very many people. Worse, you have your own moments of self-doubt when you think it's all hopeless, that you will never get to the place you want in life.

I understand that success seems so distant, it's almost like a dream. But the fact is, with the right training and some dedicated effort on your part, "you" as an inspirational leader could be just a few weeks away ... not months or years. Will you make a commitment to your future?

Steve DeVane
This no-cost mentoring program taught me about the path to leadership.

MLM - it's a relationship business

In my MLM career, I’ve worked with some folks who I thought were great networkers. I’ve been trained by some who I considered to be the best in the business.

I’d go to their seminars with this thought in mind, “Please just tell me what to do, and I’ll do it.”

They’d tell me what to do. I’d do it. It didn’t work.

They were great ideas. At least they sounded like great ideas. But they didn’t work.

I’d listen to the tapes. I’d get motivated. I’d do what they told me to do. It didn’t work.

I didn’t know why it didn’t work. Since it worked for other folks, I thought that there must be something wrong with me.

Eventually, I discovered something — nearly everyone else was struggling as much as I was. In fact, it seemed nine out of 10 of us were working our tails off but were treading water at best.

We were being told to recruit, recruit, recruit. But it seemed that just as fast as we could sign them up at the front door, others were headed out the back door. We could never get ahead.

Then several months ago, I learned about different personality types. It was part of a no-cost MLM training program that has changed my life.

I learned that those training seminars were teaching me to be someone I wasn’t. When I tried to be non-me, I came off predictably phony.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, I found out that all those sales tricks and closing techniques are worthless for the more than 90 percent of people who don’t like to be sold.

I was trying to be someone I wasn’t doing things that don’t work. It was a double-negative that was anything but positive for me.

Now I know that MLM is not a sales business. It’s a relationship business. People join people they like.

So, I’m having fun being me helping people learn to be themselves. I’m being myself, and I like seeing other people succeed, too.

Steve DeVane
This free e-book saved me from failure and frustration

The first steps toward success in MLM

Do you remember when you first saw the potential of network marketing, when you realized the possibilities of MLM?

I can. I remember thinking to myself, “This really evens the playing field.” I could see that the old adage that “you have to have money to make money,” was no longer valid.

You remember, too, don’t you? All of a sudden you thought about providing everything your family never had. You reclaimed those early dreams of spending more time with each of them. And you wanted to help others just like you be more successful.

But somewhere along the way, something went wrong. You spent time and effort, but what seemed great in theory was not very good in practice.

You did your best but then not only were you still a thousand miles from financial freedom, you were way worse off than before you started. You had less money and fewer friends who would talk to you, and you worried that your family would think you were an idiot.

And losing all that money wasn't the low point. There's a joke that when you sign up for MLM, you also join the NFL. You've become part of the "No Friends Left" league. They don't answer their phone when you call. They hide when they see you coming. They know you are on a mission, and they are the target. And no one wants to feel like they're being tracked and hunted down.

OK. Nothing you can do about the past. But what's next? You are smarter now. So how do you REALLY get what you want in life? Good question. I have some answers for you.

I’ve been where you are. You want to give up but something deep inside you knows you can be successful. Let me show you what changed my attitude, my business and my life. Start here.

Steve DeVane

Making decisions key to MLM success

I just listened to a a great training call featuring one of my friends and mentors, Richard Dennis. He focused on the power of making decisions.

Richard pointed out that the speed of your action determines your success. It’s not whether you’re right or wrong. It’s whether or not you act.

The call reminded me of something Napoleon Hill said in his book, “Think and Grow Rich.” Hill analyzed several hundred millionaires. He found that everyone of them had the habit of reaching decisions promptly and changing decisions slowly, if and when they were changed.

Those who decide, succeed. Those who don’t decide, fail.

Those who know what they want, get it.

While some are waiting and only doing one thing, someone else is doing 20, Richard said. Even if the second person got 15 wrong, they were still right five times. Meanwhile, the first person only did one thing, and it was probably wrong.

He pointed out that you’re not going to make the money you want in network marketing unless you’re a leader and you’re not going to be a leader unless you make decisions.

I once heard a MLM leader say that one of the questions he was most asked was, “What should I do?” His response: “I don’t care what you do. Just do something.”

Some networkers are often striken by the paralysis of analysis. They think they have to know everything before they do anything.

Richard said that if you want to be a leader you have to “put yourself out there.” You never know what’s going to happen, he said, but if you don’t take the leap, you know where you’re going – that’s nowhere.

Leaders leave their comfort zone. He suggested that you write down where you’re comfortable. Then write down where you’re not comfortable. You’ve got to go where you’re not comfortable. That’s what makes you a leader.

Most people get scared and stop, according to Richard. You can’t do that. You have to make decisions. Get in action. All the planning, thoughts, and resolutions with no action is not going to get you what you want.

Michael Dlouhy, another one of my friends and mentors and the author of “Success in Ten Steps,” urged those who want to be successful to “Launch and learn.”

“Fail forward,” he said. “It doesn’t have to be perfect. Just take action.”

Steve DeVane
(NOTE — Richard's call and Michael's book are part of a no-cost MLM training program that changed my life.)

MLM success - it takes a team

Over the years, I’ve been to dozens and dozens of MLM training seminars or workshops. Each time, I’d go hoping that it would be the time I would learn the secret that would propel me to success.

Numerous times, I left the meeting thinking that I’d found the answer. Usually it was some sales method or closing technique.

Often I’d say to myself, “This has got to work. All I have to do is what they told me to do.”

Then I’d do what they told me to do. It didn’t work. At the time, I had no idea why.

Looking back, I see that there were several reasons I feel short.

First, I’m no salesman. No matter how many methods or techniques I learned, I couldn’t make myself into something I’m not.

Second, network marketing is not a sales business. It’s a relationship business. I was trying to makes sales, when I should have been trying to make friends.

And the friendships have to be authentic. You can’t just make friends so you can make sales. A friend of mine has a simple way to accomplish this — listen without an agenda.

Listening is not always easy. Too many times I catch myself thinking of the next thing I’m going to say instead of focusing on what the other person is saying.

A third reason I was less than successful early in my network marketing career was my “lone wolf” attitude. I had the mistaken idea that I could get the job done by myself.

I’ve learned that success in MLM can only come through the power of teamwork. Napoleon Hill points out in his classic work, “Think and Grow Rich,” that a group of minds that come together in a spirit of harmony provide more thought energy than the minds by themselves. He calls this the power of the mastermind.

People take on the characteristics of those with whom they associate. It pays to hang around those who are already successful doing what you want to do.

Find a mentor. Learn from him or her. Follow the path of one who can show you the way.

Steve DeVane
This free e-book showed me the power of teamwork

Danger: MLM success just ahead

I’ve been involved in multi-level marketing (MLM) for more than 15 years. I’ve been in five companies. A couple of the companies aren’t around anymore, but I’m still here.

On several occasions I was what I like to call “quasi-successful.” That basically means I built downlines, but they pretty much only existed on paper. I couldn’t get anyone to do what I was doing.

I was doing what I was trained to do, but it wasn’t working for me.

I first talked to friend after friend after friend. Most listened politely. A few even bought a product or two. None was even remotely interested in getting into the business.

Then I bought leads, and I bought leads, and I bought leads. And I made the calls, and I made the calls, and I made the calls. A few listened. Most weren’t polite. On the rare occasions that someone was interested in the business, I’d get so excited, I’d scare them off. Or they’d sound excited, agree to get involved, then stop answering my calls.

I saw other people having success, but couldn’t understand why it wasn’t working for me.

I finally realized that my lack of success wasn’t my fault. The training I had received wasn’t right for me.

I was trying to do things that weren’t comfortable for me, things that didn’t fit for me. I was never going to be successful in that situation.

For years, I’d mentally beat myself up every time I failed. The lack of success frustrated me to no end.

Failure led to frustration.

Frustration led to failure.

It was a cycle of unsuccess.

Now, I see that momentary defeats as necessary steps on the path to success. As a friend once told me, those downturns are simply a sign: “Danger — success just ahead!”

Steve DeVane
This free e-book saved me from failure and frustration

Desire plus determination equals success

Desire is an important part of getting what you want in life and in business. In multi-level marketing, it’s even more important.

In “Think and Grow Rich,” Napoleon Hill talks about the importance of knowing what you want. This desire needs to be definite. You must seek out the specifics of the great desire that is within you. Search deep within your soul for those deep core desires.

No one can discover those desires for you. Only you know the path to reveal them.

Spend time alone. Ask yourself what you really want. If money wasn’t an issue, what would you do?

Once you have found those desires, decide that nothing is going to stop you from getting them. Desire plus determination — that is the key.

Hill says, “What a different story men would have to tell if only they would adopt a DEFINITE PURPOSE, and stand by that purpose until it had time to become an all-consuming obsession!”

It’s not enough to have the desire and a little determination. You must have so much determination that you’re willing to work at it until it becomes an obsession that consumes you.

Hill says many successful people have said that their “greatest success came just one step beyond the point at which defeat had overtaken them.”

This shows the power of determination and desire. Your mind needs to be transformed into a state that sees the success that comes when determination and desire become obsession.

This is also known as finding your “why.” Think about why you first decided to start a home-based business. What were the reasons made it appealling to you? What was it that made you say, “I want to do this.”

Make a list of all those thoughts that ran through your head when you first decided to start your business. Don’t think about whether they make sense or not, just write them down.

When you’re finished, take a good look at the list. Boil them down to the three or four that are most important to you. Most likely, that’s your “why.” Those are your core desires for being in mlm.

If you’d like some free help in finding your desires, let me know. We mentor people in any company for free. For more information, go to my web site.

Steve DeVane
This free e-book saved me from failure and frustration